The October Surprise Awards - Academy Awards for Political Theatrics

Welcome to the Academy for Political Theatrics and welcome to the October Surprise Awards. The nominees are: Ashley Todd, Schlesselman and Cowart, General Colin Powell, and Senator Ted Stevens.

Our first nominee is Ashley Todd, a young McCain staffer from Texas. Ms. Todd, a paid Organizer for the College Republicans, was on the ground in Pittsburgh, PA. Pittsburgh is not known for the racial tensions McCain and Palin so desperately want to exploit. So what did Ashley do? She faked a racial incident. Ashley drew a letter "B" on her cheek, then claimed to have been assaulted by "a large angry man." The police suspected a hoax because the "B" was drawn backwards, as if in a mirror, and the scratches were very light; not likely the work of a "large angry man." Ms. Todd, also known as the Texas Tawana, in honor of her role model, Tawana Brawley, admitted that the attack was a hoax. While the desperation in the McCain Campaign is surprising, while their win at all costs mindset bodes ill for efforts to end the war in Iraq, the utter disdain with which the public, the mainstream media, and even Fox News has treated Ms Todd restores our faith in society. Ms. Todd could not be reached for comment. However we are confident that a member of our team, a 6 foot 3 inch former basketball player will be able to pin her down.

The second nominees are Paul Schlesselman and Daniel Cowart, the neo-Nazis who allegedly planned to kill Senator Obama and 88 African Americans. Fortunately, they were arrested before they could kill anyone. An affidavit from a federal agent says they devised a plot to kill 88 people — shooting 74 and beheading 14. As far as we know, the McCain campaign is not connected to these two alleged psychopaths. However, the rhetoric emanating from the McCain campaign, beginning with the Republican Convention in August, can only be described as disrespectful and incendiary. Congressman Lewis was right. The genie is out of the bottle.

The next nominee is Colin Powell, the retired General and former Secretary of State who joined 50 or 60 prominent conservative Republicans in endorsing Senator Obama for President. However, it must be noted that for a Conservative to act in a conservative manner and exercise good judgment is not a surprise. It's not common these days, but it's not a surprise.

The final nominee in the "October Surprise" competition is Alaska Senator Ted Stevens. Stevens, a convicted felon, has refused calls from Senator McCain to quit his campaign "for the good of the G.O.P."

And the Winner is: "Uncle Ted" Stevens of Alaska. Convicted for corruption, Stevens is awaiting sentencing and continuing his campaign. McCain has urged him to drop out of the race, and Palin - herself found guilty of abuse of power - has also urged him to drop out of the race. But Stevens soldiers on. Will the President issue a pardon? Will Alaskans send him back to Congress? Will his conviction give Democrat Mark Begich a seat in the United States Senate? Will it help Obama become President? We don't know - that's why it's "The October Surprise." We will know soon. But we know this today: when Republicans say "My friends, I stand on my convictions." we don't know whether they are referring to their principles, or to their convictions for high crimes and misdemeanors.

* This is a work of satire. Any resemblance to the facts is tragic.

Palin and McCain Argue Over Her Wardrobe

RNC HQ, the Campaign Trail. Oct. 24, 2008. An angry John McCain lit into Sarah Palin about her wardrobe.

Our sources have provided a transcript of their conversation.

"How could you possibly spend $150,000 on clothes in two months?" McCain asked Palin. "What did you buy? $150,000 in two months? That's more than I've spent clothes in my entire life, and I'm 72 years old. It's almost as much as my wife makes in a week, or a month, or something like that. It's what Joe the plumber will make in two, maybe three years. What were you thinking?"

"C'mon McCain," Palin said, "I'm helping the economy. And it's not your money. And besides, you don't let me talk to the press. What else am I supposed to do?"

"Well you could read the Constitution, for Chris-sakes. And Jeez Palin, $150,000 on clothes? It's more than Paris Hilton spends. It's even more than Imelda Marcos spent on shoes!"

"I know Paris. She's sweet. She looked real good in that bathing suit in the campaign ad she did. I should take her wolf hunting from my helicopter. Who is Imelda Marcos? Is she a Cuban? Did I meet her in Miami?"

"How can you not know Imelda Marcos?" McCain yelled. "I made you the Vice President candidate. I can break you. You're fired."

Palin was as cool as Obama: "The election is 11 days from today. You're gonna lose without my church ladies, my hockey moms and all those Joe Sixpacks who love me. Larry Flynt, the magazine publisher, is making a movie about me, "Nailin' Pailin' or somethin'. Tina-Fay Somebody, that girl from "Saturday Night Live" and "30 Rocks" loves to play me - I'm the best thing that happened to her in her whole career. And you can't say 'You're fired.' You're not Donald Trump."

When I Look At Palin All I See Are Boobs

George W Bush and John "W" McCain

How do you feel about McCain's Decision to put Sarah Palin a heartbeat away from the Presidency?
It's cynical.
It's opportunistic.
It's demeaning to women.
Karl Rove would be proud - and so would Stalin.

What does it say about McCain?
He's a Maverick.
He's an unabashed misygonist.
Hefner would be proud.
He has no respect for women.
He has no respect for the voters.
He has no respect for himself.
I don't care about McCain. Obama will be good for the country - my country - and the world - my planet.

McCain's Plans for Young America

McCain has a three Point Plan for American Youth:

1) Draft them.

The Bush Administration is planning to end the war in Iraq in 2012, which means they will continue the war until 2012. McCain is talking about a "pre-emptive" war with Iran. You remember his mangling of the Beach Boys "Barbra Ann" into "Bomb, bomb, bomb Iran." The "tribute to Sept 11" said "the first attack came from Iran" and I think refered to the hostage situation of '79.

2) Gut their veterans benefits.

McCain's G. I. bill is career service in the military.

3) Destroy the planet.

Drill, Baby, Drill" the McSame energy plan is coal, oil, and nuclear. Gore, who really won the popular vote in 2000, says we should be 100% solar and wind in 10 years. "Clean and green by 2018!" He's right. It would cost a lot of money - about $950 billion - but that's less than the war in Iraq, and probably less than we will pay for oil over the next 10.

This is how he will make the wounded vets and the parents, children, and siblings of soldiers who gave their all feel better.

To paraphrase the credit card commercial, what's in your arsenal?

McCain Endorses Obama

St Paul, MN. On Thursday, Sept. 4, at the Republican National Convention, US Senator John S. McCain, the Republican Party's nominee for President, endorsed his rival, Senator Barack Obama, for President of the United States. Talk about ending partisan politics and reaching across the aisle, this is what McCain, who prides himself on "plain speaking" said "Let me offer an advance warning to the old, big-spending, do-nothing, me-first, country-second crowd: change is coming."

The Republicans have held the White House for 20 of the last 28 years, and the White House or the Congress for 26 of the last 28 years. And McCain had the chutzpah to walk into their stronghold and say "Change is Coming!"

What a guy.

He has earned my respect.

Not my vote, but my respect.

Speaking from an undisclosed location, Vice President, "Big" Dick Cheney said "What the F*ck? Does the "S" stand for "Stupid?" Or "Sh*t-head?" President Bush said "At's Right. What's Wrong?"

* Father / Daughter Talk *

A young woman was about to finish her MBA. Like very few others her age, she considered herself to be a Conservative Republican with Family Values.

While she knew he was devoted to God, to her mother, and to her; she was deeply embarrassed that her scientist father was, in her words, "a fire breathing Liberal." Based on the lectures she attended, the books she read, and the editorials she read in the Wall Street Journal, and Forbes, and the news as presented on CNN, Fox and MSNBC she felt that her father was completely out of touch.

The fact that Republicans were in the White House for 20 of her 28 years helped reinforce this feeling. Her father remembered John Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, and the anti-war movement of the 1960's. She remembered Reagan. Her father once joked that Reagan is "imprinted as the canonical President of your childhood." She knew while it was a joke, there was a grain of truth, and she was ok with that. She heard Reagan, Quayle and McCain compare themselves to John Kennedy - McCain was in the navy - but didn't realize that on the issues they were diametrically opposed.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to subsidies for oil companies to make drilling more profitable, and for his opposition to outsourcing work to private industry, to companies like Haliburton, and to foreign companies. She couldn't understand his anger at the Administration for firing Prosecutors, didn't understand the difference between serving "at the pleasure of the President" and "for the pleasure of the President."

She deeply regretted an abortion she had had because she got "carried away" after a few drinks too many when she was 17. She stilled loved the boy, altho she hadn't seen him for 10 years.

The objectivity proclaimed by the news media had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father.

He responded by asking how she was doing in school.

Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking very difficult courses and was constantly studying, was working 30 hours per week at minimum wage and had no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time working and studying.

Her father listened and then asked, 'How is your friend Sarah doing?'

She replied, 'Sarah is great. She takes easy classes, she never studies, and she gets C's. But her father went to our school, and donated a library, so she can't fail, and she really doesn't need to work hard. She's entering beauty pagents and will go into Broadcast News. With her looks, her body, and her willingness to use it, she'll go straight to the top. It's not fair, is it?"

He father looked at her and said "Welcome to the Democratic party."

The Democrats v The Republicans in a Nutshell – Rudy Giuliani

Almost every speaker at the DNC said three things. Each said:

First that they respect John McCain.
Second that they disagree with McCain's vision of America.
Third that McCain's policies will be just like George W. Bush's.

I am waiting for any of the speakers at the RNC to have a noble, a charitable, or an honest word about Obama, Biden, Gore, or any of the Democrats. A “Christian” word, if you will.

I will not hold my breath waiting for a Republican to say 'Obama is a patriotic American with whom I disagree. His policies will be the policies of Bill Clinton, John Kennedy, or Franklin Delano Roosevelt.'

Thus far Lieberman lied about Obama when he said Obama "has not reached across party lines to get anything significant done." He has reached across the aisle, and he has gotten things done – help for veterans.

Guiliani belittled Obama's service as a community organizer, law school professor, Illinois legislator and United States Senator. As I see it, Guiliani has tarnished his own reputation.

But he and Lieberman are illustrative of McCain and the Republicans. They believe that they hold a monopoly on patriotism. They may be monopolists in terms of energy - that's why they favor nuclear, coal, and oil - and they may believe that they are patriotic, but just as an abuser “loves” his spouse, their policies are disastrous.

And just as the spouse of an abuser must leave and protect the children, we must seek shelter from the Republican party.

Questions on Obama v McCain
The President must understand the Constitution of the United States of America.
Every Citizen must understand the Constitution of the United States of America.
Work as a Community Organizer is Service.
Monopolists are not Patriots. Nor are people who outsource jobs.
Bush was the worst President of the United States, and McCain will be just as bad.
Bush was the worst President of the United States TO DATE, but McCain will we worse.
Bush was bad, McCain will be worse, and Sarah Palin will be even worse, unless you own stock in oil companies.
Lieberman should be stripped of all his committee seats in the Senate.
McCain's economic brain, Phil Graham is right - we are a nation of whiners.