Washington. Oct 4. The Mets are sending Willie Randolph to Washington, it was announced today. Not to coach the Nationals, but to manage the War in Iraq.
"There are winners and there are losers," President Bush said. "Willie Randolph is a loser who can be a winner on my team. And all the losers on anyone's teams can winners on my teams."
The President also announced plans to build baseball stadiums in major cities in Iraq. "We will be building baseball stadiums in major Iraqi cities, including Basra, Baghdad, Faluja, Mecca, Rihyadh, and Tehran," President Bush said. "Mecca and Rihyadh in Saudi Arabia and Tehran in Iran, to establish baseball in Iraq. We brought baseball to Japan after World War II, and then, 50 years later got Hideki Chopsuey joined the NY Rangers," President Bush continued. "We expect that 50 years from now some kid named Omar, or Mohammed, or Christian, some kid from Baghdad, or Basra, or Kuwait will come from Iraq to play baseball for the Jets or the Patriots."
The Vice President, in an undisclosed location, is reported to have scowled and said "Baseball. As if I have time to watch men play a game. I've got a war to fight. Phones to tap. Children's health care to veto."
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